Why is my Toddler Fighting Bedtime
Sometimes our toddlers don't want to go to bed and they choose to fight it instead. This is normal and something that a lot of families struggle with! Often the reason this happens is simply because toddlers love to push boundaries, this is very developmentally appropriate and this is the age when we need to set firm loving boundaries. Boundaries lead to secure little ones and setting boundaries around bedtime is no different. Helping our children to feel safe and secure with us is so important at this age.
Children love to push boundaries when they are toddlers, so protesting bedtime is to be expected at some point. This is also the age when their imaginations really begin to develop. With a growing imagination we often begin to see fears develop as well, fears of the dark or fears of monsters are both common ones! Easing your child's fears is important and should be first, before beginning any sleep training with them.
Why is my Toddler Fighting Bedtime?
There can be a lot of reasons why your toddler is fighting bedtime, and of course each child and each situation is different. Here are a few common reasons your toddler may be fighting sleep:
- Age-appropriate Development
When your child is going through the toddler stages, it is age-appropriate for them to start challenging boundaries. Challenging boundaries around bedtime is common and if you set firm loving boundaries, the protesting won't last more than a few days. If your boundaries are not firm and your child is always able to push past them, they will continue to do that. The truth is that boundaries are not a bad thing and there has been plenty of research that shows consistent boundaries creates a sense security for children. They want to know that you got this, you keep them safe and secure always. Reenforcing your boundaries at bedtime will lead to your child feeling a sense of security within you at bedtime and in other aspects of their life as well.
2. Your Toddler's Daytime Schedule
If your toddler is achieving too much sleep during the day or they napped a little too late in the afternoon, these can both contribute to bedtime struggles. At this age most toddlers are still having one nap somewhere in the middle of the day. If your toddler is struggling at bedtime the first thing you need to look at is how much daytime sleep they are achieving.
Up until 3-4 years old, most children still need that nap during the day. If they are not achieving some daytime sleep, your child may actually be overtired. An overtired child often shows the same signs as a child that is achieving too much sleep. Fighting bedtime and sudden bursts of energy in the evening are both common signs that your child may be overtired and still in need of that daytime sleep.
3. Sickness or Teething
Any form of illness can impact your child's sleep. Common illness that might be impacting your child's sleep include teething, common colds, or ear infections. When your child isn't feeling 100% it's important we turn our focus to helping them feel better before we begin any form of sleep training.
4. Newly Developed Imagination
When our toddlers or young children begin to develop an extensive imagination, this can also lead to bedtime troubles. With a newly developed imagination often comes new fears. Fears of the dark or fears of monsters are the most common ones I see. When our children begin to develop these fears, it's important we help them to feel safe in their space and help ease those fears as much as possible. This can require some patience but it is so important we help our children feel safe and secure with us always.
5. New Transitions
Introducing new transitions to your child can lead to new temporary bedtime troubles. Common transitions that occur around this age include:
- Transitioning to a toddler bed
- Welcoming a new sibling
- Separation Anxiety
These can all feel overwhelming to your child. When we are dealing with bedtime troubles due to transitions, it's important we support our children and provide them with reassurance. Prioritizing extra 1 on 1 time with your child during the day can make a huge difference and help them feel seen while they are helping them work through these transitions.
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How to Transition from Co-Sleeping to Independent Sleep: A Step-by-Step Guide Transitioning your child from co-sleeping to independent sleep can be a challenging, yet incredibly rewarding experience for both you and your little one. Whether you’ve been co-sleeping by choice or necessity, it’s natural for parents to want their child to eventually sleep in their own space. The good news is that with a little patience, consistency, and the right approach, you can help your child embrace independent sleep and create a healthier sleep environment for everyone. Here’s a step-by-step guide to make this transition smoother for both you and your child: 1. Set the Stage with Positive Sleep Associations Before beginning the transition, it’s helpful to create positive sleep associations. This means associating sleep with calm, soothing experiences that your child can look forward to. Create a calming bedtime routine : A consistent bedtime routine is key in preparing your child for sleep. Whether it’s a bath, reading a book, or singing a lullaby, the routine should be calm and predictable. Make the environment sleep-friendly : Dim the lights, reduce noise, and keep the room at a comfortable temperature. You can also use a white noise machine to block out distractions and create a peaceful sleep environment. 2. Start with Gradual Separation One of the most effective ways to help your child transition from co-sleeping to independent sleep is through gradual separation. This method involves slowly reducing your presence in the room until your child is comfortable falling asleep on their own. Step-by-step approach : If you currently sleep in the same bed, start by placing your child in their crib or bed while you sit next to them. Over the course of several nights, gradually move further away from the bed, eventually leaving the room entirely as they fall asleep. Comfort and reassurance : It’s important to provide comfort and reassurance during this transition. You can gently pat your child, offer soothing words, or even stay in the room for a few minutes until they feel safe. 3. Be Consistent with Sleep Time Consistency is crucial when transitioning to independent sleep. Establishing a consistent bedtime and wake-up time helps regulate your child’s internal clock, making it easier for them to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. Same time every night : Set a consistent bedtime and stick to it, even on weekends. This consistency will help your child’s body adjust to the new sleep routine. Stick to the plan : If you’re using a gradual separation method or another technique, be patient and consistent in applying it. Sudden changes or inconsistency can confuse your child and make the transition harder. 4. Offer Comfort Objects Many children find comfort in having a special object, like a blanket or a stuffed animal, to help them feel secure at bedtime. Introduce a lovey : If your child doesn’t already have one, consider introducing a soft toy or blanket that they can associate with sleep. This object can provide comfort and help them feel safe when falling asleep alone. Use a transitional object : If your child is hesitant to sleep alone, a transitional object such as a t-shirt with your scent or a special pillow can help them feel connected to you during the transition. 5. Celebrate Small Wins This process can take time, and it’s important to celebrate every small success. Praise your child for each step they take toward independent sleep, whether it’s staying in their own bed for a few minutes or falling asleep without you in the room. Positive reinforcement : Offer words of encouragement, such as “You did great!” or “I’m so proud of you for sleeping in your own bed tonight.” Reward system : Consider using a sticker chart or other positive reinforcement to motivate your child and give them a sense of accomplishment. 6. Stay Calm and Be Patient It’s normal for both you and your child to feel some anxiety during the transition. Your child may resist, cry, or even wake up during the night, and that’s okay. Patience is key to this process. Offer comfort, not a return to co-sleeping : If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and is upset, offer reassurance, but avoid bringing them back to your bed. Gently guide them back to their own bed and reassure them they are safe. Expect setbacks : It’s common for children to experience some setbacks along the way. If your child regresses or has a tough night, don’t get discouraged. Keep moving forward with consistency, and they will adjust in time. 7. Know When to Seek Help If you’ve tried various techniques and the transition is still very difficult, it might be helpful to consult a pediatric sleep consultant. They can offer tailored guidance and strategies to help your child make the leap to independent sleep in a way that feels comfortable for your family. Final Thoughts: Embrace the Process Transitioning from co-sleeping to independent sleep is a big milestone, and every child will approach it differently. Remember, the process takes time, so be patient with both yourself and your little one. With a consistent approach, lots of love, and reassurance, your child will learn to sleep independently, giving them a strong foundation for healthy sleep habits as they grow. If you’re feeling uncertain or need more personalized support, feel free to reach out to a pediatric sleep consultant who can guide you through the process. You don’t have to do it alone!
Dealing with Early Morning Wake-Ups Early morning wake-ups are a common challenge for many parents, and they can leave both you and your little one feeling groggy and irritable. While it’s normal for babies to wake up during the night or early in the morning, a baby who regularly wakes up before 6 a.m. can quickly throw off your family’s entire sleep routine. If you’re struggling with your infant waking up too early, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are several strategies you can try to help your baby sleep a bit longer and wake up at a more reasonable hour. Here’s a guide on how to manage those early morning wake-ups and help your infant sleep soundly for longer: 1. Understand Your Baby’s Sleep Needs The first step in tackling early morning wake-ups is understanding your infant’s specific sleep needs. Infants go through different sleep cycles, and their sleep patterns evolve as they grow. Newborns (0-2 months) : Newborns need around 14-17 hours of sleep a day, often in shorter stretches. Infants (3-6 months) : By this stage, babies may sleep 12-15 hours, with longer stretches at night and shorter naps during the day. Older infants (6+ months) : At this age, your baby may start to consolidate sleep into longer nighttime stretches, typically sleeping 11-12 hours at night, with a couple of daytime naps. If your baby’s early morning wake-ups seem to be linked to a lack of sufficient nighttime sleep, you may need to adjust their bedtime or nap schedule to ensure they’re getting enough rest. 2. Set a Consistent Bedtime One of the most common causes of early morning wake-ups is an inconsistent or too-late bedtime. When babies are overtired, they may fall asleep quickly but wake up earlier than usual due to disrupted sleep cycles. Establish a bedtime routine : A calming bedtime routine that happens around the same time every night can help signal to your baby that it’s time to sleep. This may include a bath, a feeding, or reading a short book. Aim for an appropriate bedtime : For most infants, a bedtime between 6:30 and 8 p.m. is ideal. If your baby is going to bed too late, they might be overtired and more prone to waking up early in the morning. By keeping a consistent bedtime, you’ll help your baby fall into a regular sleep pattern, which can help prevent early morning wake-ups. 3. Create a Dark, Quiet Sleep Environment Light and noise can be significant factors in early morning wake-ups. As the sun rises, the increasing light can naturally signal to your baby that it’s time to wake up. Blackout curtains : Installing blackout curtains in your baby’s room can help block out early morning light and keep the room darker for longer. White noise : White noise can help mask sounds from outside or other areas of the house that might disturb your baby’s sleep. Consider using a white noise machine or a fan to create a consistent sound that helps your baby stay asleep. A quiet, dark environment is essential for promoting longer, more restful sleep for your infant, even in the early morning hours. 4. Wait Before Going to Your Baby It’s tempting to rush into your baby’s room at the first sign of waking, especially if it’s early in the morning. However, it’s important to give your baby a few minutes to settle on their own. Babies can sometimes stir during their sleep cycles and may cry or fuss briefly before falling back asleep. Wait 5-10 minutes : If your baby wakes up early, try to wait a few minutes before going in. They may settle themselves back to sleep without your intervention. Check for hunger or discomfort : If your baby continues to cry after a few minutes, check to see if they’re hungry, uncomfortable, or need a diaper change. If not, gently reassure them by patting their back or using soothing words before leaving the room again. This waiting approach can teach your baby to self-soothe and may help them transition back to sleep without relying on you to intervene every time they wake up. 5. Adjust Nap Times and Wake Windows If your baby is taking long naps late in the afternoon or early evening, this could contribute to early morning wake-ups. Adjusting your baby’s nap schedule may help ensure they are not over- or under-tired at bedtime. Earlier nap times : Try to schedule naps earlier in the day to avoid late-afternoon naps that could interfere with nighttime sleep. Monitor wake windows : Pay attention to your baby’s wake windows—the amount of time they can comfortably stay awake between naps. Overestimating how long they can stay awake before their next nap may lead to them becoming overtired, which can lead to early morning waking. By fine-tuning nap times and wake windows, you can help prevent your baby from being too overtired or too rested when bedtime arrives. 6. Avoid Overstimulation Before Bedtime Overstimulation in the evening can make it harder for your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Avoid activities that are too stimulating or exciting before bedtime. Limit screen time : If you’re using screens (like phones or TVs) before your baby’s bedtime, keep it to a minimum. Bright lights and screens can affect the production of the sleep hormone melatonin. Keep things calm : Instead of active play, opt for calming activities like reading a book, singing a lullaby, or gentle rocking. Creating a calm, soothing environment before bed will help your baby wind down and make it easier for them to stay asleep through the night—and possibly sleep a little later in the morning. 7. Consider the 4-Month Sleep Regression If your infant is around 4 months old, you may be experiencing the infamous "sleep regression." During this time, babies’ sleep patterns change, and they may wake up more frequently during the night or in the early morning. This phase can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Be patient : If your baby is going through a sleep regression, be patient as they adjust to the new sleep patterns. It’s temporary, and things should improve as they continue to develop. Stick to the basics : Continue following a consistent bedtime routine, maintaining a calm sleep environment, and offering comfort when needed. 8. Stay Consistent One of the most important things you can do when dealing with early morning wake-ups is to stay consistent with your approach. Whether you’re using a gradual sleep training method or simply adjusting your baby’s bedtime and nap schedule, consistency will help your baby learn what to expect and help them adjust over time. Final Thoughts: Patience and Persistence Pay Off Dealing with early morning wake-ups can be exhausting and frustrating, but with patience and the right strategies, you can help your infant develop healthier sleep habits. By establishing a consistent bedtime routine, creating an optimal sleep environment, and being mindful of their sleep needs, you’ll give your baby the best chance for longer, more restful sleep. Remember, every baby is different, and it may take some time for your little one to adjust. If you find that early morning wake-ups continue despite your efforts, it might be worth reaching out to a pediatric sleep consultant for personalized support.
Tips for Nap Time Success: Helping Toddlers and Infants Sleep Better During the Day Naps are an essential part of a child’s development, offering them the rest they need to recharge and support their growing brains and bodies. However, getting toddlers and infants to sleep soundly during the day can sometimes be a challenge. Whether you’re dealing with nap resistance, irregular nap times, or short naps, it’s important to create a consistent routine and environment that encourages quality daytime sleep. Here are some tips for ensuring nap time success for both toddlers and infants: 1. Set a Consistent Nap Schedule Children thrive on routine, and having a consistent nap schedule is key to helping your little one get the rest they need. A predictable nap routine allows their body clock to sync up, making it easier for them to fall asleep and stay asleep during the day. Create a regular nap window : Try to offer naps at the same time each day. For infants, this could be after their morning feed and again in the afternoon. For toddlers, aim for two naps a day or one longer afternoon nap, depending on their age and sleep needs. Watch for sleep cues : Infants and toddlers will show signs of tiredness—rubbing eyes, yawning, or becoming fussy. Try to catch these cues early and begin the nap routine before your child becomes overtired, which can make it harder for them to fall asleep. 2. Make the Nap Environment Calm and Comfortable The environment where your child naps plays a big role in whether they’ll settle down for a restful nap. Creating a sleep-friendly environment is especially important for both infants and toddlers. Dim the lights : Keep the room dark or use blackout curtains to minimize distractions and promote a calm atmosphere. Light can interfere with melatonin production, which is essential for sleep. Keep noise to a minimum : Quiet surroundings are ideal for nap time, but a white noise machine can help drown out any background noise and keep the environment soothing. Comfortable temperature : Ensure the room is at a comfortable temperature—ideally between 68–72°F (20–22°C). Too hot or too cold can make it difficult for your child to fall and stay asleep. 3. Keep Nap Time Routines Simple and Predictable Just like a bedtime routine, a simple and predictable nap time routine can signal to your child that it’s time to sleep. Infants and toddlers alike benefit from having a calm, structured routine before naps. Soothing pre-nap activities : Whether it’s a short book, soft music, or cuddling, keep the pre-nap routine consistent so your child knows what to expect. Avoid stimulating activities : Steer clear of exciting or energetic play before nap time. Instead, focus on calming activities like reading, gentle rocking, or soft singing. 4. Be Mindful of Wake Windows Infants and toddlers both have optimal wake windows—periods of time when they are most ready for a nap. If you wait too long, your child may become overtired, making it harder for them to fall asleep. If you nap too soon, they might not be tired enough to settle. Infant wake windows : Newborns may only stay awake for 45 minutes to an hour, while older infants (6-12 months) can manage 2-3 hours of wakefulness between naps. Toddler wake windows : Toddlers can typically stay awake for 4-6 hours before needing a nap. Adjust nap times based on your child’s individual needs and developmental stage. 5. Limit Naps to the Right Duration While naps are crucial for your child’s well-being, naps that are too long or too late in the day can interfere with their nighttime sleep. Finding the right balance for your child’s nap duration is key. Infants : Newborns sleep a lot, but as they grow, they tend to take two to three naps per day. Aim for around 3-4 hours of nap time total. As they near 6 months, this may decrease to 2-3 naps. Toddlers : By age 2 or 3, many toddlers switch to one longer nap in the afternoon, typically lasting 1.5 to 2 hours. Avoid naps later than 3:30 PM to ensure bedtime isn’t delayed. 6. Stay Calm and Be Patient Not every nap will be perfect, and that’s okay! Some days, your child may resist naps or take shorter naps than usual. The key is to stay calm and patient during the process. Don’t stress if naps are short : If your child only takes a short nap, don’t worry too much—sometimes, it’s just a phase. You can try offering a second nap or adjusting the schedule if necessary. Avoid rushing in when they cry : If your child fusses a bit after being placed in their crib, give them a few moments to self-soothe. It can take time for some children to settle down on their own. 7. Be Flexible As your child grows and develops, their nap needs will change. Infants may outgrow a nap stage, and toddlers may eventually drop to a single nap during the day. Be flexible with your routine and adjust based on your child’s needs and development. Developmental changes : Keep in mind that milestones, teething, or illness can affect nap times temporarily. If your child suddenly resists naps, it might be due to an underlying change or developmental phase. Gradual adjustments : If you need to shift nap times or durations, do so gradually. Small adjustments can make a big difference in helping your child maintain a restful nap schedule. 8. Avoid Overstimulation Before or After Naps Both infants and toddlers are more likely to nap well if their activity levels are balanced. Avoid overstimulating your child immediately before or after naps, as this can interfere with their ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. After naps : Greet your child warmly after their nap and keep the transition from nap to awake time low-key. Too much excitement can disrupt the calm they need after waking. Final Thoughts: Nap Time Success for a Happy, Healthy Child Naps are an essential part of your child’s day, providing the rest and rejuvenation they need for proper growth and development. By creating a consistent routine, providing a peaceful nap environment, and being patient with the process, you can set your toddler or infant up for nap time success. If you’re struggling with nap resistance or your child’s sleep patterns seem out of sync, don’t hesitate to reach out for personalized sleep support. Every child’s sleep needs are different, and with the right strategies, you can help them establish healthy, restorative nap habits.
